Shut Up! (and Other Communication Issues)
Submitted by Boys and Schools Blog
Sometimes, I look forward to getting old enough to talk about, “the good old days,” in a crotchety and un-ironic way. I’ll admit that I’ve already given it a try with my youngest sister to good effect. (”When I was your age, we didn’t have mp3s or CDs, but had to illegally copy our songs from other people’s casette tapes, and also Michael Jackson was considered a musical genius rather than a weirdo freak.” I confess that she didn’t believe me on the second point.) I even wonder what it is that I’ll be crotchety about. Maybe something like, “You kids have it so easy. In my day, it could take several seconds for webpages to load, and sometimes the server would even crash!”
The reason this comes to mind is that I wanted to complain about the need to be controversial in order to cut through the media clutter, at the same time that controversy undermines credibility and authority. This comes up because of the inflammatory article from the Daily Mail, colorfully titled “Shut Up! Women Teachers Told Their Constant Talking Puts Boys Off School Work.” I’m pretty sure you can grab the gist of the article from the title. And, assuming that you don’t live in a cave with excellent wi-fi, you can probably guess why the education expert making these points has come under fire. (As a general rule, it’s a very bad idea to tell women to, “shut up,” if that’s the actual effect you desire, as it tends to produce the opposite response.)
As it happens, the education expert telling teachers to, “shut up,” is herself a woman, and describes herself as a feminist. Her point, which is now lost beneath the fury over its wording, is (sadly) a somewhat helpful one when it comes to understanding how boys can differ from girls. She is simply trying to point out that boys can find the torrent of words that women sometimes use in description and instruction to be overwhelming, and as a result, they may tune out a bit to the detriment of their studies. While not universally true, I can definitely think of a few situations where I’ve seen this in action–even between grown men and women. I once watched a friend deliver a six-minute speech that ranged from how she had felt that day to what some stranger had said to her at the store, the point of which was to tell her husband that there was something wrong with the car. As a woman, I had no problem whatsoever following her, but I watched her husband pass through the many stages of communication annoyance, from confusion to irritation, and finally to interruption with a demand to get to the point. Boys in school don’t really have the luxury of utilizing that last stage.
And here I’ve provided you with an excellent print example of what I’m talking about. I just blathered on for the better part of a paragraph to illustrate the point that women can use a lot more words than men in communicating. And men and boys can find that frustrating. Unfortunately, the words used by the education expert in the above article will turn a lot of people off of her message, which is just another form of the recommendation that teachers pay attention to how the communicate with their students. Hardly revolutionary stuff. At least, it wasn’t back in my day.
