Mommy Détente
Submitted by Boys and Schools Blog
I’m feeling a little gooey inside today, so I’m going to beg your indulgence while I ramble a bit.
You know, a lot of what I write about here touches, directly or indirectly, on the “mommy wars.” (A point of clarification: while the term “mommy wars” was originally coined to describe a simmering cultural conflict between working moms and stay-at-home moms, in my opinion, it has expanded to include cultural tensions over nearly every aspect of parenting, from breast-feeding to college acceptance letters. And it is the latter sense that I use the word.) Like nearly all other newly discovered cultural trends, I’m pretty sure that there is nothing new under the sun here–criticizing mothers has been a favorite human hobby for centuries. I wouldn’t be at all surprised to learn that Plato’s mother always felt that Aristotle’s mother could have done a better job bleaching his togas. Advertisers have preyed on these mom-based insecurities to sell us instant stuffing, disinfectants, fabric softener, wooden “educational” toys that are excellent at teaching kids how quickly dust can collect on an untouched surface, and enough parenting books to choke a . . . well, almost anything would choke on big stack of books . . . let’s just say, “a whole darn lot of parenting books.”
It’s tough, the anxiety to do right by your kids when you feel like your value as a parent is constantly on trial. (And, while I’ve been talking a lot about moms here, I think this is more universal than that. Parenting anxiety is hardly confined to one gender–nor should it be.) And while every family has its own particular challenges, I am (for obvious reasons) focused on the issues that are faced by families of boys. And in a culture that has grown increasingly unfriendly to the action and enthusiasm of young boys, being the mother of boys can sometimes feel very lonely. So let me assure you that if you have ever been troubled and thought, “What am I going to do about my son’s school/teacher/behavioral issue/health problem/etc.?” you are not as alone as you may think. There are thousands of parents going through the same problems–and that’s one of the reasons Boys and Schools exists–to help parents reach out for help, resources, and other parents who have been in the same situation. Because, in the end, the worst thing about the mommy wars is that it creates enemies out of natural allies. We parents are all in this together in wanting to make a better world for our sons and daughters, and arguments over who needs more help, who is more worthy, and so on only further delay that better world.
